I feel evil.
I feel it becoming a part of me.
If there was one thing I knew about me, that I liked, it was that I'm not evil. I may make mistakes, I may be wrong a lot, but I wasn't evil.
Evil is bad that thinks it's good.
Am I bad? And living under the delusion that I'm good?
What is good and bad?
Good is certainly not thinking "muahahaha" when someone is crying on the phone with you.
Especially not when the someone happens to be a person you care about. Or did.
I feel hideously guilty sometimes.
I feel like it's not my fault sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like I've just grown up.
Is this irreversible? I know the answer to this one.
Someone put it pretty well for me: I feel capable of hatred.
Is hatred evil, or bad?
Only when it isn't self-righteous, or reasonable.
I only know that some part of me has changed, that I now have a personal demon to train and control.
Sigh.
