Snapshot of Me.

Ever wondered what you look like on the outside?

I'm hardly what I'd call a camera-savvy person, but I can't deny that sometimes, I wonder what I look like. When I'm battling things inwardly, does it show? When I'm being fake-happy, is it obvious? When I want to burst out into very noisy tears....?

Maybe having a camera on me 24x7 wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Temporarily only. Otherwise I'll just go nuts.

And we don't wanna know what that  looks like.

On so many levels though, I wonder what I look like. What kind of a person do I appear to be? At first sight? When you get to know me a little better? When you know me inside out?

Right now, I know I feel exhausted. And two nights of restless sleep aren't why.

But when I look into the mirror, I just isolate things. Dark circles ringing the expressionless eyes. Mouth corners turned down, unsmiling. I don't know how they come together, what they say.

I feel like I'm drowning in myself again, trying to escape from something very specific on the outside, that I'm barely avoiding running smack into.
Which..I kinda am.


Why do I have to run away every time?

What do I look like when all I want to do is run away? Far, far away.

Fear. So much fear.

I'm tired of being afraid.
Of having control, but still no control.

If only I could
take snapshots of me
put them up
for the world to see
I'd point out how
I was made to feel
since I never show
the real deal
Closet in 
on what's left of me
while they express
their sympathies
'cause they don't care
even if they know
not knowing was
just an excuse, though
They'll go on
leave me home
maybe it's better
being on my own.


Rhyming isn't my forte. Neither are nursery-style poems. (Limericks? Not technically. Those are supposed to be funny, right?)

Signing off.